"Jesus Teaches About Divorce" Matthew 19a Nov 17 2024

Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

And continuing at verse 7 -

Matthew 19:7–12 ESV

They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

(Pray…)

So here’s the summary of what Jesus is saying:

God created us from the beginning - male and female

And he designed the man to leave his parents and join together with his wife as one flesh

Jesus makes it clear that this union is from God and that no man should separate

Moses only granted divorce because of the hardness of their hearts

If you divorce your wife for any reason, other than sexual immorality, and marry another, it is adultery

Jesus talks about eunuchs - ultimately to drive home the importance of marriage - we are to be careful when entering into marriage

Probably everyone here this morning has, on some level, been impacted by divorce

And today - the statistics of divorce in the Church are actually lower (thankfully) than non-Christians

Recent polling and careful study: 30% in the Church

But it’s not something we should be proud of

Here’s the trend in the world of younger generations: don’t marry at all

Just live with each other until you get tired of each other

God invented marriage - it is a picture of Christ and the Church

I want to give a warning:

That the subject of divorce brings out those who are legalistic

The legalists seem to crawl out of nowhere

There is legalism on both ends of the spectrum:

If you are divorced - you can never marry, or it will be ongoing adultery - you’re probably going to hell

Get divorced if it makes you happy - because God wants you to be happy

I’m not excusing divorce - God does hate it - it was never his intention

Every divorce comes with a story

I can’t preach a message to address all what-if scenarios

But - we do know from the clear message of the Bible:

God is overwhelmingly in favor of marriage between a man and a woman

God is not in favor of divorce - that’s never his plan for us

But we also need to remember that God is forgiving to those who repent and cry out to him

And he desires all of us to be forgiving to one another

If you have never experienced divorce - don’t look down on other believers who have

Minister and love those people

The Lesson of Forgiveness

As we look at this hard passage - realize it comes on the heels of Jesus teaching us about forgiveness (Parable of the Unforgiving Servant)

One reason I like to systematically go through books of the Bible

All divorce comes from sin:

Adultery / Infidelity

Selfish ambition, money

Abuse

I want to remind you of the kind of forgiveness Jesus has called us to -

Luke 17:4 (ESV)

and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

Question: Does this pertain to how to treat your spouse?

Absolutely!

I know of pastors who believe that a spouse actually should not forgive adultery

That it’s too heinous and horrible

But Jesus never commands us to divorce because of adultery

In v.9, Jesus gives an exception to allow divorce - but it’s not a commandment

I believe that reconciliation should at least be considered

What was the message we got out of the last parable in Matthew 18?

God has forgiven us through our repentance to him

Therefore, we must forgive others who are truly sorry towards us

“But pastor - you don’t know my situation - you don’t know what my spouse did”

No - I don’t know your situation

All I know is that if they are truly sorry, we are to forgive them and do everything in our power to reconcile our marriage

And if the other person is truly sorry, they will do whatever it takes to reconcile, too

But if there was adultery during the marriage, and reconciliation is not an option -

Then Jesus says that divorce and remarriage is okay

Look, divorce is not ideal - but neither is sexual immorality

When Jesus said that Moses granted divorce because of the hardness of their hearts -

Divorce has never been the ultimate standard of righteousness

But that Moses provided guidelines surrounding it

If not - if you were never ever permitted to divorce, then your spouse could be sexually immoral with another person and there’d be nothing you could do about it

Look at verse 3 - the Pharisees were trying to test Jesus

In Deuteronomy 24 - Moses gives guidelines on how to write a certificate of divorce

It basically talks about:

When the man gives his wife the divorce papers

Her instructions on remarrying

When the man gave the wife a certificate of divorce, this was compassionate to the woman

Otherwise, she’d be in limbo and could never remarry

We know from history - two prominent Pharisaical schools on the subject back then

Those two schools outlined legal grounds for divorce

One group of Pharisees believed that unfaithfulness was the ONLY cause for a man to divorce his wife

The other group believed that a man could divorce his wife for ANY reason - even if she burned his toast

The Pharisees might have been hinting at this and came to Jesus to settle the argument

But Jesus brings the entire argument back to the original purpose of marriage from the beginning:

In the words of Jesus (v.6), “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

I want to cover a false teaching that has been going around

It teaches that if you get divorced - and then get married

You are still married to your first spouse in the eyes of God

And so, as long as you are in your present marriage - and your previous spouse is still alive - you are in a continual state of adultery

This false doctrine teaches that as long as that original spouse is still alive, you are in continual sin - and in danger of losing your salvation

It’s somehow based on Matt 5 and Matt 19 and Romans 7

And by the way,

Jesus didn’t say, “If you divorce and remarry, you can never be forgiven”

Think about this theology for a minute

The notion that if you re-marry after divorce, you are in continual sin

Some say: that you are in danger of going to hell - as long as you are married to this new person

The dirty little secret to this teaching is that in order to correct your situation:

You must get a divorce from your current spouse

In reality, it is a Ministry of Divorce

It assumes that in this case, God will be pleased with you divorcing your current spouse

I can’t think of a single Bible verse that goes along with that

Could you imagine if God called all couples in the church - who were once married - to now get a divorce in order to honor the Lord

Think of all the families it would break up - and all the children and grandchildren who would be devastated

Think of all the confusion and grief it would bring

This theology brings into question your salvation - because it says you’re in continual sin

I can’t believe that a technicality of adultery can send a person to hell

No one goes to hell on a technicality

Neither does anyone go to Heaven on a technicality

Our salvation comes through our faith in Jesus - not by us doing something in order to get right with God

Four reasons why I don’t believe in this highly legalistic theology:

1. We cannot lose our salvation - John 10:28-30; Jude 1:24-25; Romans 8:37-39; 1 Peter 1:4-5; John 6:37-40; Ephesians 4:30; etc.

No one ever gets divorced from the Lord - we are forever married to Christ

2. This is extreme legalism. Think of it - the whole point Jesus is making in Matt 19 is to maintain the sanctity of marriage.

This would all be thrown out the window as you are encouraged to divorce in order to keep the Law and prove to God you’ve repented.

Could you imagine?

A person asks how to become a Christian

And you tell them they must first get a divorce - because they’re on their 2nd marriage

3. The Bible doesn’t say that divorce is continual sin. Jesus would have been more clear about it if it was.

The original Greek would have been crystal clear

It would also have been spelled out clearly in the epistles. You would expect Paul to have talked about it as a stern warning.

Nowhere does the Bible say, “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, and then get a divorce from your second wife, you will be saved”

The Bible has plenty of warnings against hell - but it doesn’t include this one

4. I know my Lord - and I don’t recognize this legalistic theology as coming from him.

It goes against the doctrine of grace

I have four messages for four different people listening to this

Message to the Unmarried

Message to the Married

Message to the Victims of Adultery

Message to Those Who Have Committed Adultery

Now, these might not apply to you - but you may be able to help others

Message to the Married

Forgive your spouse

Actively love your spouse

If your marriage is in trouble:

Seek the Lord

Ask: “What is the Lord trying to teach me?”

Examine yourself more than your spouse

Today’s law prevents a quick divorce

Imagine if today, divorce were as easy as serving your spouse a handwritten note

Would the rate of divorce go up?

It would certainly go up!

So let me ask:

If the law in your state allowed for a super easy divorce - would you seek one?

My point: don’t let the divorce laws be the main restraint for not getting a divorce.

Our first commitment should be to honor the Lord and honor our vows

Let God’s commandment to us to be loving/forgiving be our restraint

Message to the Unmarried

Here’s what I say

Don’t get married! (Just kidding)

Be very, very careful before you get married

Ask yourself if God is calling you to get married

Wait on the Lord

Don’t try to speed the process

Spend more effort preparing yourself to be a good spouse...

Rather than trying to FIND a good spouse

Enjoy being single - and enjoy serving the Lord while you are single

Listen to others you respect - family members or good friends -

listen to their wisdom

Stop and pray about it first

What is the Lord telling you?

Wait on the Lord

Message to the Victims of Adultery

First - I am deeply sorry for what has happened

But I’m going to say some things you may not like to hear

There is probably a component in all of this where God wants to grow you

Please listen: I am not blaming you for what happened

I’m not saying it was your fault

How could I say that?

I don’t know your situation

I just know from other couples who went through this

The innocent person - who calls out to the Lord - goes through a growth process

Instead of focusing your energy to what he/she did - take a look at your own relationship with the Lord

What is God saying to you?

What has the Lord been telling you (for years), that you have ignored?

There may be a chance for your relationship with your spouse to be restored - but stop and think about it

Does your relationship between YOU and the LORD need to be restored?

God can restore your relationship with your spouse

Check your motives

Ask: Do you want really want restoration, or retribution?

And know that the Lord may be preparing you to impact others

Message to Those Who Have Committed Adultery

If you haven’t done so already, you need to repent of this sin

First to the Lord - and then to your spouse, no matter the outcome

Jesus has given your spouse permission to divorce you

No matter what happens - your repentance needs to be real

Everything I previously said about examining yourself - I absolutely mean this for you

You may lose your spouse over this - but good news is that your relationship with the Lord CAN be restored

It is totally appropriate for your spouse to consider a separation from you

Your phone and your passwords should no longer be a secret - you need to earn their trust

My suggestion

Turn to the Lord - repent and confess your sins

Don’t run away from the Lord - run to him

Find a strong Christian who can keep you accountable - cannot be opposite sex

Read Psalm 51 everyday and pray through it

I want to close with the first 2 verses of Psalm 51

The beautiful thing with Jesus is that he is all about restoration and forgiveness

Psalm 51 is not intended to condemn you - but to restore you

Verse 10 talks about, “Create in me a clean heart,” and “renew a right spirit within me”

Later it says, “Restore to me the joy of your salvation”

Then it says that eventually when God restores you - you will teach other sinners to return to the Lord (v.13)

Did you know that? Look at verse 13 with me - starting in verse 12

Psalm 51:12–13 ESV

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.

God’s plan was never for you to commit adultery - but he can restore you and use you

If God has restored you from adultery or another sin - you can help others be restored to the Lord

Let me close with this

Psalm 51:1–2 ESV

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!

There is always hope in Jesus

Always turn to him

Pray...

Communion

The Lord’s Supper is similar to The Passover from the OT.

It celebrates the fact that the Lord delivered his people from Egypt - and delivered his people from his own wrath

Today, we celebrate Communion which holds the memory of Christ’s death on the cross

The death of Jesus on the cross delivered us from the desolate wilderness of our sin

And saves us from the coming wrath of the Lord

When we take communion, there is a sense of past, present, and the future

Past: Communion looks back in remembrance of Christ’s death on the cross

Present: It is a celebration of the New Covenant we are in

Future: It causes us to look forward to when we will celebrate with Jesus face to face

(Pick one…)

Matthew 26:26–28 ESV

Now as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and after blessing it broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, “Take, eat; this is my body.” And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, saying, “Drink of it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.

Luke 22:19–20 ESV

And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” And likewise the cup after they had eaten, saying, “This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood.

1 Corinthians 11:23–26 ESV

For I received from the Lord what I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, “This is my body, which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.

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